I'm like a "breath of fresh air." I'm artistic, I love jungle music and putting drunken low-life middle-aged men in their places. I also try to be as happy and have as much fun as possible while having a negative attitude. So far it seems to be working. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous trombone playing and I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis years ago when I was around 4 months old, my liver and I got into a horible fight. I have never forgiven her for it so since that moment I have been defeating her in battle. Slowly and surely, I will defeat. hmmm well. I like taco's, but peanut butter scares me. I had a scorpion named fluffy, he was my only friend. Got out of the marines not to long ago now I'm bored and I have a drinking problem. I'm all out of taco's so I better go. 

Truth is, I did not write any of that, but it was entertaining right? 

I was raised in Sedona and spent most of my life stuck behind the scenes of theatre or movie sets.  I get bored easy and like to start new chapters of my life as often as possible.  Please join me in this chapter and visit azrollerderby.com